Are you attracting the same types of circumstances or people into your life? Have you tried to get to the bottom of this but get nowhere? Does this deeply frustrate you? The answer may lie in your shadow.
Often an aspect of a person or situation that triggers you emotionally, is revealing either an aspect within you that you are not allowing yourself to embrace, or an aspect you have but you reject this part of yourself. Somewhere along the line, you were told this aspect was bad.
For example, I used to loathe selfish and self-centered people. Always putting themselves first and their “it’s all about me” attitude. It infuriated me because they got things. They got what they wanted. Some of my closest friends at the time were incredibly self-centered and I used to attract selfish romantic partners.
My learning from this was that I was denying myself being selfish and self-centered, as I had learned from my family to always put others first, and it was bad to be the centre of attention.
This manifested as me being extremely helpful and useful to others, and if I ever did put myself first, I felt guilty. I never allowed myself to be the centre of attention. Once I embraced and honored the selfish and self-centred side of me, those types of people disappeared from my life. I drew upon those aspects of me when I wanted to achieve an important goal, or share my gifts.
Often when we do personal development work, we only engage in the aspects that we perceive as good and ignore anything less. After all, isn’t that the point of personal development, to become a better version of ourselves? Who wants to delve into the parts we don’t like about ourselves? Isn’t that what we are trying to get away from? Kind of.
It is a matter of perception. Many of us have been told by the authorities of our lives what is considered good, and what is considered bad. Instead of striving for what we perceive as a “good” person, why not strive for being a “whole” person? Embracing and acknowledging all parts of us?
When we put all of our energy being “good,” we often put as much energy avoiding being “bad” and it often gets stuffed down in our body and psyche. The only problem is that these parts still try to get our attention, through people, circumstances, uncharacteristic behaviours, and if ignored long enough, illness.
Think of an aspect of yourself that you don’t like, such as anger, as a pineapple. Imagine carrying that pineapple with you all day long, not only hiding it from yourself, but hiding it from others. Imagine the effort it would take to do this. If we just acknowledge that pineapple in the first place, we don’t haven’t to spend any further energy on it. To think we are potentially carrying dozens of pineapples daily, what a waste of energy! This would be better spent better spent showcasing your passions and gifts.
Be open to the idea that we embody everything. We are both good and bad. We are both angry and loving. We are both fearful and courageous. Happiness cannot exist without sadness. Take ownership of these parts and learn to feel at peace about all aspects of yourself, the good, bad and ugly. The bad only becomes destructive if it is unowned.
If someone or something triggers you, see it as a potential gift to access the whole you!