Who would have thought I would have got my gift from desperation through a show like ‘The Bachelor?’ Yes, I admit it I watched it. I just happened to be at a friend’s house for the first episode and I cringed the whole time with judgmental thoughts like, are these girls desperate? This show is so wrong. Who would put themselves in this position? They’re only doing it for fame. Aghhhh!
However, I knew something deeper was going on. For this episode to make me cringe so much I was holding tightly onto a cushion ready to bury my head into it when needed, as well as having to look away at times. I gave my poor friend harshly judgmental commentary of what was going on. I knew it was triggering something inside of me that I wasn’t really comfortable with.
Among other things, desperation was what came out on top. No one wants to be known as desperate. Me included. However, in order to fully embrace your whole self, you have to embrace your shadow aspects, even those you want to ignore and pretend you don’t have.
Why would I do this? Firstly, I’d be wasting a whole heap of time and energy pushing against it and pretending it’s not there. But it is there, whether you care to look at it or not. Disowned in the subconscious, building, building, building, with energy that will eventually come up at some point when least expected like a volcanic eruption. Secondly, by ignoring this aspect, I maybe missing opportunities that require a little desperation to get.
Like any shadow aspect that we perceive in ourselves, there is always an upside. A gift. In my case, I have passed down a few opportunities in recent years (unfortunately I didn’t see them as opportunities at the time) because I didn’t want to look desperate (and of course, that’s my interpretation of desperate, those providing the opportunity may have seen me as unmotivated, arrogant or lacking ambition). However, now I am taking action on opportunities that I would not have normally taken, and it has opened new doors. Firstly, my interpretation as ‘desperate’ has changed and widened my perception field, and secondly, when I actually feel desperate, I honor it and take action anyway. I’m sure if you lost your child, pet, or your job, your inner desperation would come in very handy!
Learn to acknowledge and become friends with your inner desperation, and any other aspect that you perceive as ‘bad.’ You know what these shadow types are by observing what triggers an intense emotional reaction within you. Phrases like, ‘she is so selfish,’ or, ‘that person is so dumb,’ gets you in tune with aspects of yourself that you are not acknowledging. Sometimes being selfish is okay if you need a little self-nourishment. Being ‘dumb’ could get you out of doing something that you don’t really want to do.
And for the record, I continued to indulge in The Bachelor with no further triggers and saw it for what it was, light entertainment.